A Letter from your Mother

She never wanted to write one until this moment...

If you’re new to Raising Myles, Welcome!

I write letters to my newborn son, Myles, sharing my journey as a first-time dad and spreading the love I didn't experience myself. If you’ve been here before — thank you for coming back. If you’re new here, below are some good places to start:

• My most recent letter to him was Musings in the Backyard

• How do single parents poop in peace?

• How I Met Your Mother?

• Tell them Where You’re From

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This letter is a special one. Not only is it a Mylestone, but it’s also a letter to Myles written by my best friend, my everything — my wife. I’ve been asking her to write one to Myles for a year. She’s always said no until now.

Week 58

Dear Myles, 

At exactly 13 months and 13 days just before bath time you took a couple steps towards Daddy. At the sight of which he shouted in excitement and started to tear up. I will confess… I laughed my butt off- knee slapping, literally rolling on the floor laughing until I was crying myself. Now, Myles you are taking your sweet time with this walking business. I am convinced that you are playing us because I don’t know how you can baby dunk basketballs, jump down furniture and disassemble every shelf in the house with ease, but walking is where you draw the line?

While I’m not completely sold that this was your first time, it was still a magical moment so I get why Daddy was moved to tears but I also found it hysterical. When it comes to emotions, Daddy shows all his cards and it’s one of the many reasons why I chose him. He somehow manages to be expressive and passionate while being assertive and kind. I always feel protected in his presence and I never have to guess how he feels about me. I never have to question his love for us. 

In all honesty, your dad has asked me many times to write a letter for “Raising Myles.” Every time I typically shrug it off for later because usually I’m so preoccupied with actually caring for you. I’ve tried to be so careful not to have my whole identity shift to Myles’ Mom, but really… lately my biggest job IS being your mom and I can’t say that I’m mad about it. I’m deeply in love with this new role in my life and sometimes I’m a little embarrassed to say that out loud.

Society does not feel kind to moms who feel proud to be moms. There’s that nagging question in the back of my mind- “what else do you have to offer the world?” So often I feel the need to prove that I’m still the same person who enjoyed acting in NYC, traveling around the world and working in Africa. Someday, I’ll expound on that but for now let me refocus—> I write you small notes occasionally and I quietly send them to the email that you’ll have access to one day. But to write to you here feels different- where people can see and comment and pick away at my raw thoughts. I am the total opposite of Daddy. Most of the time I’ve hid my emotions so well, I have to go looking for them. Then tonight when you took those two steps and your dad let out a tear, I knew exactly what to write.

Your dad’s passion is why I love him fiercely. It’s the way he shows up for everything. I always knew the same man that researched bikes for a month in NYC before buying one off Facebook Marketplace would be the same man to watch dozens of breast pump tutorials and end up teaching me how to do it 3 months postpartum. I knew when he ironed his mom’s clothes for work that he’d be the husband to let me sleep in most mornings when you want to play at 7am because I was up watching Netflix after midnight. I knew when we started joking like best friends after our first date, that I could laugh at his emotional reaction to your wobbly little steps tonight.

Your dad has always been consistent. So I’m writing this letter in hopes that you’ll always know that I loved Daddy first. I loved him so much that I couldn’t bear the thought of not one day having you.

You are the reason that randomly because of nothing at all, I whisper to your dad with the biggest smile on my face, “Look at what we made.”

Love, 

Mommy 

*To anyone reading this, whether you are a parent, want to be a parent or don’t care to be a parent at all, I hope you experience a consistent love. A love that shows up for you no matter what. A love that feels easy to reciprocate. I’m writing this letter because of that love in my life. I’m so very proud of you, Marc.

Mommy and you at (1 month old)

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These letters are a labor of love. All funds collected from writing these letters go toward Myles' college savings. A paid subscription also gives you access to all letters I’ve written to Myles, including these letters I write every other week or so, where I explore fatherhood more deeply, discuss my own upbringing, and reflect on what it means to be raising a Black son.

If you can’t commit to a monthly subscription, but still want to support Myles’ college plan, here is my Buy Me a Coffee page.

And if you are on Substack, please restack this letter and recommend it so I can share this love with the world.

Let me know your thoughts:

1. Ever witness a child take their first steps?

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I’ve teamed up with some great people to host a writing group called

Locked In

- a weekly virtual writing session for Black, Indigenous, & Writers of Color and writers of the global majority. We write together every Friday at 9:00AM ET. If you’re looking for some community around writing, please tap in.

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Celebrating Black Writers

I built a virtual and interactive library to celebrate writers who have inspired me in writing to Myles every week. This is me giving them their flowers. Feel free to click around!

Recently I added

BlackStack

.

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Want more of Myles’ Letters?

• Read about My Wife’s Love Affair - It’s exactly what you don’t think

• Three Months After I Met your Mother

• Last week you met your Grandfather

• Have you ever been Cooking in the Bathroom kind of tired?

• Check out Carrying the Gift, Holding the Love

• Read about Our first Father’s Day.