You can spoil a child, but not with love. You can spoil them with material things, but heap on the love. That just builds a strong, capable child who knows where home is.
Love this idea, Janine. I been thinking how many of us were told not to spoil our children with love. I realize the people who are saying it, were never able to experience this kind of love.
For sure. You'll push it away if you don't know how to receive it. If you've always felt loved for simply existing (like Myles), it will go a long way towards building his resiliency because he'll know he can always come home to you.
1) No, not with love, not in the way people mean it.
2) Yes!
3) It took a long time, months, possibly not until they were walking and talking (I have twins)
4) Ha! Not really. When they napped I wanted to do the things I couldn't do when they were awake, like stare out at the garden, have my hands free, take a bath. I don't think I caught up with all that lost sleep until they were over five.
I think I graduated to napping, as it's clearly the sensible option, but I remember at the beginning everyone always telling me to go and sleep and it drove me mad. I remember just wanting to be free of anyone telling me what to do, my life so governed by their needs directing me all the time, that when they slept all I wanted to do was not be told to do something, even if I needed it. Ridiculous, self-defeating, rebellious action though it was, having even an inch of self-governance gave me comfort in those early days. But then the reality of actual self-deprivation took over...
Marc, this is the best way for me to start my day. I cannot wait for where you lead us next! And wow do I remember those early days, tiny babies lying on your chest and the sudden jounce: are they breathing? Have they slipped back to that mysterious space from which they came? Every day is a gift. Glad for these reminders.
I'm glad, Marc. It felt good to me to come to that decision, although I haven't implemented it yet. I just feel like I don't want just anyone knowing all about the more intimate details of my life experience, and a paywall seems like an effective boundary. I'll use it one of these days...
Love can never spoil! Love makes them grow the one for the world is yearning for.
Mummy wrist - Still when my girls are tired and cuddle, I don't move until they get up themselves. I love the tingling wrist that comes out in the form of savouring the moments with the children.
I think checking breaths is a prereq for every parent. Isn't it?
My little one loved to nap and she would babble and later tell stories while doing that she would dose off. It was our bonding time when she was little :)
My wife went through the mommy wrist - hers were far worst than mine. But you are right, it's only for a time.I think you would enjoy my recent note - its a video about him not going to bed last night. Thanks for coming to the writing session! Looking forward to writing with you again soon!
Tender words, Marc. Years ago, a woman I know suggested that when my daughter left for college I would finally "get my life back." I'm not criticizing her for not having children of her own, and I believe she meant well. But I also understood in that moment that she could not appreciate just how much children become synonymous with living.
I think it has to do with what is best for the child long term. Don't do their homework for them. Don't protect them from the consequences of their actions. Those are the type of things that can spoil a child. I do not believe that holding children, picking them up, responding when they cry, spoils children. To me to spoil a child is to raise them in such a manner that they don't have the tools to live a vibrant, happy life.
“Spoiling” is possible. Faults of character do grow. As you know, not everything is under your control. Love is always the better answer. Knowledge and intelligence grow with experience, but experience can leave scars. Seems to me everyone is born with certain talents and propensities but also blindnesses. We humans are social creatures yet seem self guided. Context often affects our actions more than we know at the time. We are all moving along together within a group which seems all there is until one becomes aware of other groups moving other ways. And then there’s destiny or fate or God’s Will or however you name it: stuff just outside your knowledge or reach going on inside your little fellow traveler.
I love this look -in our own unique way we are born perfect. Now that I think of it, hasn't God first spoiled us all with his love? I need to think about this idea more.
Our little one will be one month old this week. I just googled yesterday if you can hold a baby too much 😅; turns out you can’t spoil a baby with love and touch and affection! Also I relate so much to getting eye level and watching her chest rise and fall. Before I close my eyes, I peek over the bassinet and do the same.
Alexis, thank you for being here. One month feels so long ago - please cherish all the holding and carrying. I loved it so much I have like 4 letters all about carrying him and holding him. If you want me to link it for you let me know. Congrats on the newborn!
In the beginning, we did not sleep at all! Just making sure he was breathing was a 24/7 task. We are much better now. I can't wait to transition him to his own bed!
You've co-slept a long time! We didn't co-sleep much with our eldest but, as you know, our little one insisted on co-sleeping (or not sleeping, as the case may be) for years 😂😂
You can spoil a child, but not with love. You can spoil them with material things, but heap on the love. That just builds a strong, capable child who knows where home is.
Love this idea, Janine. I been thinking how many of us were told not to spoil our children with love. I realize the people who are saying it, were never able to experience this kind of love.
For sure. You'll push it away if you don't know how to receive it. If you've always felt loved for simply existing (like Myles), it will go a long way towards building his resiliency because he'll know he can always come home to you.
Dear Marc,
1) No, not with love, not in the way people mean it.
2) Yes!
3) It took a long time, months, possibly not until they were walking and talking (I have twins)
4) Ha! Not really. When they napped I wanted to do the things I couldn't do when they were awake, like stare out at the garden, have my hands free, take a bath. I don't think I caught up with all that lost sleep until they were over five.
Loving your work, loving your son,
Eleanor
Elanor,
Every time he naps I debate whether I should sleep or get something done. These days I am opting for naps Thank you for being here, it means a lot.
I think I graduated to napping, as it's clearly the sensible option, but I remember at the beginning everyone always telling me to go and sleep and it drove me mad. I remember just wanting to be free of anyone telling me what to do, my life so governed by their needs directing me all the time, that when they slept all I wanted to do was not be told to do something, even if I needed it. Ridiculous, self-defeating, rebellious action though it was, having even an inch of self-governance gave me comfort in those early days. But then the reality of actual self-deprivation took over...
Marc, this is the best way for me to start my day. I cannot wait for where you lead us next! And wow do I remember those early days, tiny babies lying on your chest and the sudden jounce: are they breathing? Have they slipped back to that mysterious space from which they came? Every day is a gift. Glad for these reminders.
I’m sad he has figured out to escape me. No longer wants to be held unless it’s bottle time, a meal, and maybe a book . Why is he growing so quickly!
Hi Marc,
I understand your paywalling for privacy issue, and I intend to do the same with uncomfortable personal topics, but haven't gotten to it yet.
Your letters to Myles are wonderful!
Diana, I really appreciate you affirming this. I'm nervous but excited about it.
I'm glad, Marc. It felt good to me to come to that decision, although I haven't implemented it yet. I just feel like I don't want just anyone knowing all about the more intimate details of my life experience, and a paywall seems like an effective boundary. I'll use it one of these days...
I feel this, all of it. This is trial and error for me. I have some feelings I want to put down, but I want it to feel safe for me.
Love can never spoil! Love makes them grow the one for the world is yearning for.
Mummy wrist - Still when my girls are tired and cuddle, I don't move until they get up themselves. I love the tingling wrist that comes out in the form of savouring the moments with the children.
I think checking breaths is a prereq for every parent. Isn't it?
My little one loved to nap and she would babble and later tell stories while doing that she would dose off. It was our bonding time when she was little :)
Kiran, I agree with your point around spoiling.
My wife went through the mommy wrist - hers were far worst than mine. But you are right, it's only for a time.I think you would enjoy my recent note - its a video about him not going to bed last night. Thanks for coming to the writing session! Looking forward to writing with you again soon!
I surely enjoyed the note video :)
Tender words, Marc. Years ago, a woman I know suggested that when my daughter left for college I would finally "get my life back." I'm not criticizing her for not having children of her own, and I believe she meant well. But I also understood in that moment that she could not appreciate just how much children become synonymous with living.
Elizabeth, again with the words! I wish I wrote that last sentence myself!
I'm sure you have written similar, or will... <3
I think it has to do with what is best for the child long term. Don't do their homework for them. Don't protect them from the consequences of their actions. Those are the type of things that can spoil a child. I do not believe that holding children, picking them up, responding when they cry, spoils children. To me to spoil a child is to raise them in such a manner that they don't have the tools to live a vibrant, happy life.
Stephanie I love this - it must be a balance.
when she learned to snore softly
“Spoiling” is possible. Faults of character do grow. As you know, not everything is under your control. Love is always the better answer. Knowledge and intelligence grow with experience, but experience can leave scars. Seems to me everyone is born with certain talents and propensities but also blindnesses. We humans are social creatures yet seem self guided. Context often affects our actions more than we know at the time. We are all moving along together within a group which seems all there is until one becomes aware of other groups moving other ways. And then there’s destiny or fate or God’s Will or however you name it: stuff just outside your knowledge or reach going on inside your little fellow traveler.
Ahhh. But there is Love and Joy and Happiness.
You know.
I appreciate your love and sharing.
I love this look -in our own unique way we are born perfect. Now that I think of it, hasn't God first spoiled us all with his love? I need to think about this idea more.
Our little one will be one month old this week. I just googled yesterday if you can hold a baby too much 😅; turns out you can’t spoil a baby with love and touch and affection! Also I relate so much to getting eye level and watching her chest rise and fall. Before I close my eyes, I peek over the bassinet and do the same.
Alexis, thank you for being here. One month feels so long ago - please cherish all the holding and carrying. I loved it so much I have like 4 letters all about carrying him and holding him. If you want me to link it for you let me know. Congrats on the newborn!
"When you sleep, I like to get eye level,
Down to the horizon of your chest,
just to make sure it rises and falls."
Yes! I used to do this with my bebes too. Their gentle little breaths are so precious and so nerve-wracking at first.
I'm so proud of you for leaning into the deeper topics that will be coming up. And I'm so grateful to hear your insights and learn from you.
In the beginning, we did not sleep at all! Just making sure he was breathing was a 24/7 task. We are much better now. I can't wait to transition him to his own bed!
You've co-slept a long time! We didn't co-sleep much with our eldest but, as you know, our little one insisted on co-sleeping (or not sleeping, as the case may be) for years 😂😂
Love this. Keep up the awesome writing.
Thank you, Cory!
Beautiful bro and I'm glad to hear you're continuing to explore your craft 👏🏽
Appreciate this man. This is where the growth is.
When did I stop checking to make certain the baby was breathing? Well, she's 30 now, and when we travel together I'm still checking. So, not yet!
Haha love this take ❤️
No such thing as spoiling. Love him up!
Can't stop won't stop.
❤️❤️
Hearing Myles snore in the background of the voiceover 🥹 these were beautiful.
Also so ready to dive into whatever you drop behind the paywall 🙌🏾
Thank you for always standing ten toes down with me , family.