Love you Marc!! And I’m so proud of you for this self reflection and honesty. You gotta start including Myles in the convos and activities instead of thinking you have to be only present for him. He’s around for LIFE!! And he should be part of sending those happy birthday videos, messages, voice notes. Including him will take some of the pressure off. 🫂
Dont pressure yourself. Let things come with ease. Respond with love. If you get a phone call or txt from friend realize they love you and just want to checkin. Make your decisions from love brother because being afraid of a person especially a friend or loved one is only going to prevent any reconnecting moments. I didnt get to see you for a while until I flew out to you and I was a little hesitant because I “missed” certain moments because of my own losses and changes in life. In the end I just needed to check myself and realize bro youre a friend and wouldnt want that to prevent our reconnection. Stay bless man. Sometimes if the thought of a person comes up either hit call or type hi or hey and send the txt. Or simply thinking bout u. It goes a longgggg wayyyy. All love man hugs 🫂 from the unc haha
Man it got kind of sandy in hear all of a sudden. Thank you so much. I was talking to another friend this weekend and realize I need to do a lot of reframing around how I define friendship. Thank you for just being you, and showing up. Your comment made me realize if we let these thoughts win, we really miss on opportunity to create something special. I appreciate and love you.
This is good insight into a man/dad brain helping me to realize some things that I wouldn’t trust myself to name or believe on my own if I observed it. Thank you for writing this and I do hope you and pray your pursuit of friendship and even deep friendship becomes realized.
It’s an honor to witness your journey through your own words. I think we forget how much a gift and wonder this is that people like you are generous enough to invite us into your heart and home. The raw humanity in your words has always been touching to read and to experience.
How do you become a better friend? By not overthinking things. This is a season, my friend, and seasons change. I think your kid card observation and NJ Fiction’s advice are right on the bullseye. Being a good dad, hubby, and friend just requires a slight shift in perspective to include your little guy. You’ve got this.
And it’s so easy being outside looking in! Need any more advice?
Marc, really, you got this. You are ahead of most of us simply because you are asking these questions.
Oh, Marc. This resonates so, so much for me. I had my babies back in October and it took me eight months (EIGHT MONTHS) to finally see some of my good girlfriends again. I hadn’t seen them since my baby shower. The vibes were definitely different, definitely more kingdom than community. I learned an entire group trip to Disney had been planned without me and while I wanted to feel pouty about that (and I did), my husband reminded me that it’s probably because I am always saying no to them when they ask me to do things.
I am learning that parenthood is the most asymmetrical gig there is. Something is always gonna give. It’s just about deciding what that something is and being nimble when that something needs to change.
I wish you the best in this season of rediscovering your friendships. Be kind to yourself.
Tyece, I had the same experiences. Since I became a dad, I don't get invited to things. And my friend, actually one who I mentioned in the story, straight up told me they knew I wasn't going to come. And I realize, they were right. I automatically tell myself there is no way I can make it not because I don't want to, but because my mind has taught itself that doing something for me comes at a cost for my partner. And while I know intellectually that it's not true my body is unconvinced. I appreciate you for sharing - clearly we have some work to do. Cheers to being friends in progress.
This is a gentle reminder: enjoy this time, soon enough the nest will empty, and those that genuinely love you understand this season of your life, and will welcome you with open arms as soon as Little Man gets his learner's permit and has limited, if any, time to pal around with you. Hang in there, you've got this and you're jamming regardless of title (Dad, Husband, Friend).
I adore you. And we all need grace. At some point in time, NOW will be "the good old days" and/or "a long time ago." At some point in time, Myles won't need you every single MINUTE OF THE DAY. And that will be sad, but it will also allow you to have more time and energy and bandwidth. Also, this time will teach you that maybe you were not great, but you were good enough, and that was enough. And, maybe, just maybe f those obligations, fr. xoxo
Oh, this is so hard. The sad reality is that not all of your pre-kid friendships will survive those early parenting years. Friendships fall away sometimes. But the ones you keep, those are gold. And then there are new friendships you'll make because you are a parent. And the friends you'll make after Myles goes off to college. There are seasons in this life and the one you are in doesn't really lend itself to a lot of outreach beyond your immediate circle. You shouldn't beat yourself up about that. You have a big heart and you care about all the people in your life, but I suspect most of these people know how underwater you may be with parenting. I have a dear friend, my best friend, who stuck with me through all the years of child rearing, then through the years of caring for our mothers (in separate countries much of the time). Our email correspondence is epic. And now, both our mothers are gone and the kids are off to college, and we spend so much time together. It is a relationship that brings me so much joy and is stronger for the years we struggled to stay close. Hang in there. Your new super power will be all the grace you extend to your friends who have kids after you, or who are up to their armpits in eldercare. You'll get it, and you'll understand when they forget your birthday, and you'll be one of those friends who keeps showing up for them no matter what.
Awww, Marc. I felt this one, especially as I’ve been feeling like a pretty subpar friend myself recently, except with those who I see on a regular basis. I think there are seasons of retreat or overwhelm that we all go through, and friendships can slip through the cracks especially during those times. Toddler parenting is definitely one of those seasons, so I hope you give yourself some grace. Things will reset in good time, I’m sure of it. And I’m sure you’re a wonderful friend!
I take exception with the old phrase "the road to hell is paved with good intentions". I say that good intentions are paving the way towards a better LIFE. You are so intentional, Marc. Remember that counts. My guess is that your friends know your heart even when your intentions don't keep up. I also imagine that they have more grace for you than you do for yourself, but it's a worthy goal to be a better friend and something you'll surely model for your precious son. High fiving you.
Love you Marc!! And I’m so proud of you for this self reflection and honesty. You gotta start including Myles in the convos and activities instead of thinking you have to be only present for him. He’s around for LIFE!! And he should be part of sending those happy birthday videos, messages, voice notes. Including him will take some of the pressure off. 🫂
Amen and amen fam, you are 100% right. Clearly it's an area I am still growing in!
OH WAIT! If you don't call people on the phone while that boy is playing with blocks -- that is the Caribbean way!
lol preachhhhhhhh
Dont pressure yourself. Let things come with ease. Respond with love. If you get a phone call or txt from friend realize they love you and just want to checkin. Make your decisions from love brother because being afraid of a person especially a friend or loved one is only going to prevent any reconnecting moments. I didnt get to see you for a while until I flew out to you and I was a little hesitant because I “missed” certain moments because of my own losses and changes in life. In the end I just needed to check myself and realize bro youre a friend and wouldnt want that to prevent our reconnection. Stay bless man. Sometimes if the thought of a person comes up either hit call or type hi or hey and send the txt. Or simply thinking bout u. It goes a longgggg wayyyy. All love man hugs 🫂 from the unc haha
Man it got kind of sandy in hear all of a sudden. Thank you so much. I was talking to another friend this weekend and realize I need to do a lot of reframing around how I define friendship. Thank you for just being you, and showing up. Your comment made me realize if we let these thoughts win, we really miss on opportunity to create something special. I appreciate and love you.
This is good insight into a man/dad brain helping me to realize some things that I wouldn’t trust myself to name or believe on my own if I observed it. Thank you for writing this and I do hope you and pray your pursuit of friendship and even deep friendship becomes realized.
Darron, thank you for receiving these words. I appreciate you for being here.
It’s an honor to witness your journey through your own words. I think we forget how much a gift and wonder this is that people like you are generous enough to invite us into your heart and home. The raw humanity in your words has always been touching to read and to experience.
How do you become a better friend? By not overthinking things. This is a season, my friend, and seasons change. I think your kid card observation and NJ Fiction’s advice are right on the bullseye. Being a good dad, hubby, and friend just requires a slight shift in perspective to include your little guy. You’ve got this.
And it’s so easy being outside looking in! Need any more advice?
Marc, really, you got this. You are ahead of most of us simply because you are asking these questions.
Carry on!
Please send me the guide to grace and anti overthinking , because clearly it's where I live. I appreciate you.
Overthinking, depart from thee! Grace, flow down from the mountaintops into the valleys of thy soul.
I hope this helps. It’s the best I can do off the cuff. Maybe I can backfill it later.
Haha I love it!
Oh, Marc. This resonates so, so much for me. I had my babies back in October and it took me eight months (EIGHT MONTHS) to finally see some of my good girlfriends again. I hadn’t seen them since my baby shower. The vibes were definitely different, definitely more kingdom than community. I learned an entire group trip to Disney had been planned without me and while I wanted to feel pouty about that (and I did), my husband reminded me that it’s probably because I am always saying no to them when they ask me to do things.
I am learning that parenthood is the most asymmetrical gig there is. Something is always gonna give. It’s just about deciding what that something is and being nimble when that something needs to change.
I wish you the best in this season of rediscovering your friendships. Be kind to yourself.
Tyece, I had the same experiences. Since I became a dad, I don't get invited to things. And my friend, actually one who I mentioned in the story, straight up told me they knew I wasn't going to come. And I realize, they were right. I automatically tell myself there is no way I can make it not because I don't want to, but because my mind has taught itself that doing something for me comes at a cost for my partner. And while I know intellectually that it's not true my body is unconvinced. I appreciate you for sharing - clearly we have some work to do. Cheers to being friends in progress.
Accountability is the first start and you’re doing a damn good job, keep being great my fav internet dad😂🩵!!
Nae, thank you so much for your support!
Of course 🤞🏽
This is a gentle reminder: enjoy this time, soon enough the nest will empty, and those that genuinely love you understand this season of your life, and will welcome you with open arms as soon as Little Man gets his learner's permit and has limited, if any, time to pal around with you. Hang in there, you've got this and you're jamming regardless of title (Dad, Husband, Friend).
First of all let's remember what a good job you're doing.
What a good job both of you are doing.
Yeah!
Is your wife seeing her friends or are both of you swamped?
This is why there are babysitters. (Or grandparents, aunts, godparents et al. Save the uncles for later and potentially hazardous outings.)
Get a babysitter. Have a date.
Next and this is very old school and time consuming.
Print out the physical calendar. Put it on the refrigerator. Check off once you call or text them.
Other possibility takes more organization than I'm capable of.
Do your birthday/anniversary/ thinking of you emails/texts one day a week.
Schedule send.
Fill out the cards in advance. Mail when appropriate.
But babysitters. They exist for a reason.
I adore you. And we all need grace. At some point in time, NOW will be "the good old days" and/or "a long time ago." At some point in time, Myles won't need you every single MINUTE OF THE DAY. And that will be sad, but it will also allow you to have more time and energy and bandwidth. Also, this time will teach you that maybe you were not great, but you were good enough, and that was enough. And, maybe, just maybe f those obligations, fr. xoxo
Oh, this is so hard. The sad reality is that not all of your pre-kid friendships will survive those early parenting years. Friendships fall away sometimes. But the ones you keep, those are gold. And then there are new friendships you'll make because you are a parent. And the friends you'll make after Myles goes off to college. There are seasons in this life and the one you are in doesn't really lend itself to a lot of outreach beyond your immediate circle. You shouldn't beat yourself up about that. You have a big heart and you care about all the people in your life, but I suspect most of these people know how underwater you may be with parenting. I have a dear friend, my best friend, who stuck with me through all the years of child rearing, then through the years of caring for our mothers (in separate countries much of the time). Our email correspondence is epic. And now, both our mothers are gone and the kids are off to college, and we spend so much time together. It is a relationship that brings me so much joy and is stronger for the years we struggled to stay close. Hang in there. Your new super power will be all the grace you extend to your friends who have kids after you, or who are up to their armpits in eldercare. You'll get it, and you'll understand when they forget your birthday, and you'll be one of those friends who keeps showing up for them no matter what.
love you
Awww, Marc. I felt this one, especially as I’ve been feeling like a pretty subpar friend myself recently, except with those who I see on a regular basis. I think there are seasons of retreat or overwhelm that we all go through, and friendships can slip through the cracks especially during those times. Toddler parenting is definitely one of those seasons, so I hope you give yourself some grace. Things will reset in good time, I’m sure of it. And I’m sure you’re a wonderful friend!
I take exception with the old phrase "the road to hell is paved with good intentions". I say that good intentions are paving the way towards a better LIFE. You are so intentional, Marc. Remember that counts. My guess is that your friends know your heart even when your intentions don't keep up. I also imagine that they have more grace for you than you do for yourself, but it's a worthy goal to be a better friend and something you'll surely model for your precious son. High fiving you.