The Birmingham Dad Meetup: At the Library

Monthly updates from a space for dads and their little ones.

This past weekend, I hosted the first official Birmingham Dad Meetup at the Avondale Library. The night before, my son, Myles, became sick, and I considered canceling. I wondered how I could show up to a dad meetup without my son. My wife encouraged me to go anyway, and instead of my son in tow, I showed up with a box of coffee and creamer, hoping it would make up for his absence and for asking a group of dads to meet a stranger at the library the day before the weather was supposed to be horrible.

To my surprise, dads actually showed up. Because it was the library, some were already there, not for the meetup but for their kids. As a few dads who had actually signed up for the event began to roll in, I felt grateful that I had listened to my wife, but sad at the same time Myles couldn’t be there. There’s something about seeing men I have never met gathered early on a Saturday morning, with little versions of themselves trailing behind them or in their arms. It’s hard to believe that just a few months earlier, I had made a post on Reddit, created a meetup group, and hoped for the best. And there it was: five other dads with their beautiful children, searching for what I had been searching for since moving to Birmingham, community.

The teacher in me worried about having a plan. My biggest concern was how to have intimate conversations with men I’ve never met while also making sure no toddler attempted a five-star splash off a library bookshelf. But it happened exactly the way it needed to.

The little ones tore through the library, not a toy left untouched, and the librarians were wonderful. They brought out extra toys for us, the good stuff, the kind they don’t usually leave out - puppets, marble runs, and a Toniebox playing the latest and greatest kid tunes. They even played with some of the little ones that tried to wander off as the dads talked – thank you Ms. Carla and Ms. Mcayla!

While we were only there for an hour and a half, dads shared this space was exactly what they needed. A place for them to hang out with their kids, give their partners a break, and just to be in a place where there are other men in the same season as them.

When a dad asked why I started this, I shared that when my son was born, I was not only in a new place, but I think I was also dealing with depression and was desperate for connection. I told them that most of the content I came across about fatherhood made it feel like being a dad was a standup comedy routine or an act of magic, where fathers were expert magicians who disappeared from the picture. But I knew that wasn’t true. As I dug deeper, I found that dads were present and overjoyed by fatherhood, and at the same time, many felt alone and struggled with how to handle the shift that comes when you bring a child into the picture. I told them I started writing letters to talk through what I was experiencing, and eventually I wanted something more: to meet other dads in real life who were going through the same thing.

And as I shared my story, they started to share too. Stories about feeling guilty for wanting more time for themselves, guilty for feeling like they weren’t good enough, and lost because they did not know that such joy could come with such weight. My favorite moment came from a dad with seven-month-old twins, who shared that this meetup was the first communal thing he had done since moving to Birmingham. As he talked about his journey and how emotionally hard it’s been, I knew this meetup that had been placed on my heart wasn’t just for me, it was for all of us. Even though there were not many of us, the space felt full, and my heart felt light.

I think back to this past Saturday and how much work it must have taken for each of those dads to get up, get their kids ready, load strollers, and drive or walk to a library early on a cold morning. They set aside the nervousness and all the other things that so easily get in the way. Race. Politics. Opinions. All the reasons it can feel easier to stay home.

Saturday was a reminder of how beautiful the world can be when we center and show up for what matters most — our children.

If you are a dad reading this, you’re doing a great job. You matter to so much to the planet, but especially to the little person who calls you dad. Thank you for showing up. And if no one told you they loved you today, I do.

See you at the next Meetup!

Best,

Marc

I’ll be using this part of the newsletter to share some recaps from the monthly meetings. Don’t worry, you’re already subscribed. You’ll continue to get the letters I’ve been writing to Myles, and now you’ll also get an update from the Birmingham Dad Meetup once a month.

If you’re a dad who happens to be in Birmingham, AL, or nearby at all, join the meetup page to stay connected about the monthly gatherings.

If you’re not interested in getting these updates about the Birmingham Dad Meetup, you can unsubscribe using this link here.

As always, thanks for being here.

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