This past weekend, I finally got back to hosting the Birmingham Dad Meetup, a monthly gathering for dads to connect, share, and bond with other dads and their kids. We haven’t been able to meet as consistently as we usually do because of other programming at the library and because I’ve been traveling with my family.
With the new school year already underway, along with starting a new job and Myles now being in Pre-K, I’m already feeling exhausted. Did I mention I’m also back in school?
Throughout the week, I invited some dads I know, posted in our Facebook group, and honestly just hoped for the best. If you’ve been reading about the past meetups, you know I’m always feeling a little anxious beforehand. Questions about how to make a bunch of men feel connected always cause me a bit of anxiety. My therapist used to tell me that men need to participate in a shared activity to connect. You would think I could convince myself that trying to make sure our kids don’t get hurt is shared enough, but no.
But this time, I didn’t feel so worried. I didn’t worry when I called Starbucks ahead of time for a carafe of coffee, and they told me their machine was broken. I didn’t even ask them, “Then why are you even open?” And I didn’t even worry when I drove to Chick-fil-A. I asked them for the same thing, and they told me they don’t serve boxes of coffee there. Then, when I showed the woman what I wanted, she proceeded to show me a cup holder.
No coffee for this meetup, I guess.
Myles and I rolled into the library around 9:50, and our favorite librarian, Carla, was waiting for us. If you’ve been reading these, you also know that after the dads, Ms. Carla is the real star of the show.
Not only has she given us a room at the library where she fills it with some of the best toys for the little ones, but every month she switches up the theme. This time was no different. We walked into the room to find huge zoo animals, a station where the kids could make zookeeper hats, and a designated area where she would read a story.
The dads started rolling in right at 10. Some are faithful regulars who I don’t even have to text to remind them anymore, while others are dads who just found out about the meetup online.
That’s what’s so special about this library. Families are naturally there. I was even able to invite two other dads who happened to be there with their kids.
After Carla’s songs and story about the animals you can find at the zoo, she gave out free passes to the dads who didn’t have a zoo membership. Did I mention how much of a Godsend she is?
I thanked all the dads for coming, for being there early on a Saturday morning when they could have been sleeping or doing anything else. I told them that I created this space for myself. Seeing them show up is exactly what I needed when Myles was first born. I think about my own dad during these meetups. I wonder if having a community of fathers who showed up for one another would have made him more present in my own life.
As the kids started playing, I got to meet and learn a little about all the dads. One dad, M, shared that he had moved to town a while ago, so I asked him why he chose to move here. He told me it was because his old town didn’t have things like a dad meetup. Something about that warmed my whole heart.
Another dad came with his 10-month-old, and all the dads gave him major props because none of our wives would have trusted us with our kid outside without a Flock camera. Too soon?
A dad from Myles’ school, who I usually only see at birthday parties, came too. He looked at me and said, “Man, you just helped me get through the hardest part of the weekend: Saturday morning.”
And my favorite was the dad who said his wife sent him. Those are my favorite. Because deep down, our partners need a break, but they also know their husbands need community.
I won’t share every story from every dad, but I do want to tell you about just two more: D and Z.
D showed up without his daughter. He’s at every meetup. He told me his daughter was traveling with her mom, but he just wanted to come out and support. I probably talk to D once a month, maybe twice if I need him to get coffee, but he shows up.
And when I texted him afterward to thank him for coming, this is what he said:
Z has two boys, and he’s also at every meetup. He’s a SAHD, and I remember at the first meetup he shared how hard that can be. He’s always looking for something to do with his boys, and this was nice because it was early and it was just for dads.
Anytime I think about the meetup, I think about Z and his two boys, who absolutely love the bounce house Ms. Carla always sets up.
As dads started filing out, some thanked me for putting this together. I thanked them even more for simply showing up.
After begging Carla to let us help put all the toys away, only to have her tell us no for what felt like the 100th time, I packed Myles up and headed to the car. As I started the engine, I was reminded of something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately: God has placed the things I desire in my heart—not just for me, but for others. I wanted a community, and I’m building it.
And the beautiful thing about community is that we all get to benefit from it.
The next meetup is on September 19th, and I can’t wait.
See ya’ll soon,
Marc Typo
[sorry not sorry for all the typos]
If you’d like to contribute, you can help me provide snacks for the kids and small gifts for the dads by buying me a coffee here.
This is one of your most heartfelt essays.
You've built something special, and every dad, child, and the incomparable Ms. Carla, is an invaluable element.
Carving out this time is something each of you will remember for a lifetime.