The Birmingham Dad Meetup: March — Sometimes We Just Show Up

Monthly updates from a space for dads and their little ones in Birmingham, AL

We were running late to this month’s meetup. I was trying to get one of those boxes of coffee from Starbucks, and even though I did my best to order ahead, lo and behold, I was sitting in the drive-thru with a screaming toddler in the back asking why we were in a tunnel and not at the library. Myles has become used to going to the meetups now, excited to see new people and familiar faces. Me, the anxiety of whether anyone is going to show up and what I am going to do this time with a bunch of dads still waxes and never wanes. I called the library to let them know we were running late. And when we finally arrived, Ms. Carla, the librarian, had that same smile she always has when we walk in. She let us know two dads were already there and showed us the room she set up for us.

The last two meetups were in the kids’ area, an open space with books and toys, but dads spent a quarter of the time talking and the rest herding their kids to make sure they didn’t leave the library. Last month, Ms. Carla said she wanted to give us a meeting room at no cost and would set up the room for us and the little ones. Setup was an understatement. Ms. Carla set up about six stations, from huge Legos to walking tiles that looked like the stuff in lava lamps when you stepped on them, along with arts and crafts, a chalk area, and a bouncy house. She even had a story ready for all of us who were there. It was not just one of those stories where she’s reading and showing pictures. No, I am talking felt boards, puppets, and actions, and the kind of story telling that captivated even the squirmiest toddler. And while Myles sat in my lap and laughed and pointed, while she told the story, it reminded me how much the meetup is as much for him and me as it is for the other dads.

I started a new job this past week. The kind of job where I have to clock in and out now, the kind of job where I remember why people are so thankful for Fridays—and now I’m just as grateful for them too. Time feels different because I’m not able to drop him off like I used to, and sometimes I’m not able to pick him up from school either. After my first week of coming home every day, I sat in the car a little longer, trying to prepare myself to give him and my wife everything I had left in my tank, even though I felt empty. But as he laughed in my lap while Ms. Carla told the story, I felt full. The kind of full where the exhaustion briefly melts away and you hear Lauryn Hill in the background singing “Nothing Even Matters.”

After the story, the kids played and the dads talked. And even though this meetup was probably the smallest, it was exactly what it needed to be. Because dads weren’t too worried about their kids wandering off, we actually got to sit down and play a board game. I think back to how much I worried all month about what I was going to do for this meetup. But the meetup took care of itself. Sometimes we just get to show up and be a part of something. And maybe that’s my role in all this. Having a desire for something doesn’t mean I have to be the sustainer. What if I just get to show up, and people like Ms. Carla, who set up the space for us, or the dad who brought a game, or last time when a dad brought coffee—what if people are actively waiting to help us? The meetup is a beautiful reminder that we never have to do anything alone.

If you are a dad reading this, you’re doing a great job. You matter so much so much to world, but especially to the little person who calls you Dad.

Thank you for showing up. And if no one has told you they love you today, I do.

The next meetup is on April 25th and I can wait.

See ya’ll soon,

Marc

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Read about the last meetup here