I keep thinking about what our society would look like if people saw parenting as devotional. I have to remind myself, too. I hear you on the fatigue and the frustration--the many interruptions, stops and starts. I guess this is the spiritual experience... to keep reaching from the muck.
I feel like a broken record for saying how tired I always am. I appreciate you for holding me up. I love the idea of parenting as devotion! Have you written about this?!
I'm biased — I'm the son of a mother who sacrificed her dreams in a sort of "it's not my turn" perennial fugue state. Her children are grown now. She is still working herself to exhaustion making other people's dreams happen.
Like most of parenting (and life), it's a delicate dance on the head of a pin to get the balance right.
What happens to the child of a parent with a dream deferred?
I loved this piece. I’m about 10 years further along with this whole parenting thing (my little one, A, just turned 12) and I’m trying so hard to reach for my dreams again. It’s a challenge every day. The kids have constant “emergencies” that I need to pay attention to just for tonight or just for this week or just for this month.
Trying to remember my own stuff and save energy for it is near impossible.
Then there’s being part of the sandwich generation. My parents did SO much for us when we were little and when the kids were little, and now we need to support them too.
I admire you so much. I aspire to be as attentive, loving, and dope as you are to your two boys. And extra shoutout to you for still pursuing your dreams- it’s so inspiring ❤️
I wrote about something similar today. It is so important for us as parents to have dreams, hobbies and goals. I put some of hobbies on hold when my kids were younger and I wish instead of putting them on hold that I would have been more intentional with making time for my hobbies. But I will tell you even when the kids are grown or teens the sleep we had pre-kids just aint the same LOL.
The exhaustion is real. You are just trying to get through the day. How can you dream when you are SO TIRED. But things shift, babies grow, and there is a tiny bit more time before you start driving to hockey and lacrosse and dance, and ALL the things. Be kind to yourself Marc. Cut yourself some slack. I wish I could have been kinder to myself during those times, with the wisdom I now have today. We only know what we know when we know it. 💜
He already loves sports so much. I went to my first football game ever and found out when there is away game, the students have to be bussed all the way back to the school after the game. That means if there is a game you’re out there from 6 to 11! Talk about it not going to get any easier ! Whew! I’m working on being kinder to myself. It’s so hard!
I remember all of it. It was exhausting and soul-filling and depressing and fun and confusing and purposeful and every.single.thing in between. It was life. And yes, I wish I could do it all over again. So will you, I'll wager.
Thank you for sharing the photos..As I pray for you for strength, I'll be able to picture your beautiful faces!
I’m not a parent, but I was estranged from mine for a while. Recently, my mother called to apologize for not being present, for not creating intentional memories, for handing us adult responsibilities too early, for dismissing our feelings, and for the time we can’t get back.
I’d already forgiven her, but I kept my distance for my sanity.
It’s healing to watch millennial parents honor their kids as whole people and pour into who they’re becoming
Leo, I appreciate you sharing that. Forgiving our parents is so hard. I had to do the same for my father. It brought me some peace. On this side, I really had to accept him for who he is and always will be for my sanity. Thanks for being here. Healing indeed!
Marc, this is such a real and tender note. It may not be your turn, in this season, to do any number of things. But the lovely-and difficult-thing about parenthood is of course that the seasons change. In my current season, I've found that I no longer want a turn at some of things that once felt important, while I've been able to reconnect with others that I do. It's all part of the ride! Oh and omg that little move that he did - so cute!
Ramya, thanks for sharing. Would love to know when was it for you, you started feeling like that? Was it a certain age for your child or a moment you realized that?
Hmmm, good question! I think there were various shifts. I distinctly remember age 4, when it felt like the drudgery of the baby and toddler years (which I honestly didn’t enjoy all that much) finally ended. Then maybe age 6 when he learned to read well, which meant that we could cuddle up in bed and each read our own books—such a sweet time that was! And then the tween years snuck up on us really fast, I’d say somewhere around age 9? That marked the beginning of greater independence for him and more pockets of “me time” for me. And now we’re knocking on the door of age 12!
I loved the poem and am reading your work after a long time Marc! As the mother of girls and a boy, I find my dreams for myself get actualized by my children... like whatever I wanted to do as a child, I facilitate it for my kids. So for example, I always wanted to rollerblade but my time for balance is sorta over, so I help my kids rollerblade and it makes me so happy
It's so good seeing your name, Sadia! I love that! How our dreams can be the moments for our children. I can see how easy it might be for parents to fall in that trap of pressuring their children to be what they could not be themselves.
I too, find myself impatient, wishing for a dark room to take a nap ALONE in. I also find myself snuggling his cheeks and wishing to stay frozen in a moment of his four year old jokes together.
I keep thinking about what our society would look like if people saw parenting as devotional. I have to remind myself, too. I hear you on the fatigue and the frustration--the many interruptions, stops and starts. I guess this is the spiritual experience... to keep reaching from the muck.
I feel like a broken record for saying how tired I always am. I appreciate you for holding me up. I love the idea of parenting as devotion! Have you written about this?!
Nope haha guess I should ;)
I'm biased — I'm the son of a mother who sacrificed her dreams in a sort of "it's not my turn" perennial fugue state. Her children are grown now. She is still working herself to exhaustion making other people's dreams happen.
Like most of parenting (and life), it's a delicate dance on the head of a pin to get the balance right.
What happens to the child of a parent with a dream deferred?
A, the draft of this letter has that poem at the very top! I wish I included it as well. Former English teachers!
I appreciate you sharing that about your mother. Do you think deep down she experiences some kind of resentment? I think my mother has felt the same.
I loved this piece. I’m about 10 years further along with this whole parenting thing (my little one, A, just turned 12) and I’m trying so hard to reach for my dreams again. It’s a challenge every day. The kids have constant “emergencies” that I need to pay attention to just for tonight or just for this week or just for this month.
Trying to remember my own stuff and save energy for it is near impossible.
Then there’s being part of the sandwich generation. My parents did SO much for us when we were little and when the kids were little, and now we need to support them too.
I admire you so much. I aspire to be as attentive, loving, and dope as you are to your two boys. And extra shoutout to you for still pursuing your dreams- it’s so inspiring ❤️
I wrote about something similar today. It is so important for us as parents to have dreams, hobbies and goals. I put some of hobbies on hold when my kids were younger and I wish instead of putting them on hold that I would have been more intentional with making time for my hobbies. But I will tell you even when the kids are grown or teens the sleep we had pre-kids just aint the same LOL.
Yes! While parenting is sacrificial it does not mean we don't also get to go!
Sleep. What's that? I can't believe there use to be times when we slept in. Wild times! I appreciate you sharing LaShunta!
The exhaustion is real. You are just trying to get through the day. How can you dream when you are SO TIRED. But things shift, babies grow, and there is a tiny bit more time before you start driving to hockey and lacrosse and dance, and ALL the things. Be kind to yourself Marc. Cut yourself some slack. I wish I could have been kinder to myself during those times, with the wisdom I now have today. We only know what we know when we know it. 💜
He already loves sports so much. I went to my first football game ever and found out when there is away game, the students have to be bussed all the way back to the school after the game. That means if there is a game you’re out there from 6 to 11! Talk about it not going to get any easier ! Whew! I’m working on being kinder to myself. It’s so hard!
It's really hard being a parent.
I know both you and your wife dreamt of giving Myles the kind of parents you wanted.
Think about modeling the kind of parent you want him to be.
Would you want him to put his dreams on hold? Even for adorable grandbabies?
Work in time for yourselves. Not just for you but to show Myles what a balanced life feels like.
Maybe not this year but soon.
Yes soon, soon. There has to be a dream we all get to go. Thank you, Bridget!
I remember all of it. It was exhausting and soul-filling and depressing and fun and confusing and purposeful and every.single.thing in between. It was life. And yes, I wish I could do it all over again. So will you, I'll wager.
Thank you for sharing the photos..As I pray for you for strength, I'll be able to picture your beautiful faces!
Thank you for your love and prayer. We would love another, pray for that too, so hopefully maybe we’ll be doing it all again soon 😂 (God willing)
I’m not a parent, but I was estranged from mine for a while. Recently, my mother called to apologize for not being present, for not creating intentional memories, for handing us adult responsibilities too early, for dismissing our feelings, and for the time we can’t get back.
I’d already forgiven her, but I kept my distance for my sanity.
It’s healing to watch millennial parents honor their kids as whole people and pour into who they’re becoming
Leo, I appreciate you sharing that. Forgiving our parents is so hard. I had to do the same for my father. It brought me some peace. On this side, I really had to accept him for who he is and always will be for my sanity. Thanks for being here. Healing indeed!
Marc, this is such a real and tender note. It may not be your turn, in this season, to do any number of things. But the lovely-and difficult-thing about parenthood is of course that the seasons change. In my current season, I've found that I no longer want a turn at some of things that once felt important, while I've been able to reconnect with others that I do. It's all part of the ride! Oh and omg that little move that he did - so cute!
Ramya, thanks for sharing. Would love to know when was it for you, you started feeling like that? Was it a certain age for your child or a moment you realized that?
Hmmm, good question! I think there were various shifts. I distinctly remember age 4, when it felt like the drudgery of the baby and toddler years (which I honestly didn’t enjoy all that much) finally ended. Then maybe age 6 when he learned to read well, which meant that we could cuddle up in bed and each read our own books—such a sweet time that was! And then the tween years snuck up on us really fast, I’d say somewhere around age 9? That marked the beginning of greater independence for him and more pockets of “me time” for me. And now we’re knocking on the door of age 12!
I loved the poem and am reading your work after a long time Marc! As the mother of girls and a boy, I find my dreams for myself get actualized by my children... like whatever I wanted to do as a child, I facilitate it for my kids. So for example, I always wanted to rollerblade but my time for balance is sorta over, so I help my kids rollerblade and it makes me so happy
It's so good seeing your name, Sadia! I love that! How our dreams can be the moments for our children. I can see how easy it might be for parents to fall in that trap of pressuring their children to be what they could not be themselves.
I too, find myself impatient, wishing for a dark room to take a nap ALONE in. I also find myself snuggling his cheeks and wishing to stay frozen in a moment of his four year old jokes together.
This was beautiful.
Its so your time.
It’s his time too.
🧡
Kaylen, took me a while to respond but this comment warmed my heart. Wanting both, right now, so bad.
this outfittttt
This reached me today, exactly when I needed it. Thank you.
Thank you for being here, Bridget ❤️