I have so much to say about this video, but mostly I appreciate you expressing, vulnerably, what it's like to be a father. I feel like if more men did this, and connected to each other like this, it would heal so much pain that exists in the world.
One thing that really hit me was when you said we have to prepare our kids for a world that doesn't accept their beauty. My son, who is now 22, started growing his hair around age 3 or 4. He was teased about it all through school, called a girl for having long hair, but that's who he is. A boy, now man, with long hair. At home we always allowed him to express himself as he was. Home was his safe space in a cruel world. I don't know what it's like to raise a black son in a racist, cruel world, but I do know what it's like to raise a son who goes against the grain because that's who he is. It's hard, and can be heartbreaking, but knowing the people who matter most to him love and accept him, makes all the difference.
I loved your conversation with Alex. I think more honest conversations with dads is just what we need.
Janine, thank you never feels like enough. But thank you - again! I don't write about it much, but I was bullied too. I think a lot about who will Myles be. I don't want him to be either the bully or the bullied.
We didn't know about my son's being bullied until years later, he never talked about it. It breaks my heart.
If Myles is loved and feels good about himself, there is no reason he will be a bully. In terms of being bullied, all you can do is give him the self confidence to stand up to bullies, or understand that only people who are hurting hurt others. It's so hard when our children go off into the world and are on their own, so to speak. I believe Myles will always know that home is a safe place.
The answers to your questions are a wholehearted yes. I’ve been attending a men’s retreat for the last three years that does significant work in the space of father care, father connection and healing father wounds. I’m about to launch a group this week for the men of color who have been attending these retreats and doing their work. We’re going to go through some chapters of my book I’m about to release that does a deep dive on healing father wounds and racial wounds. So yes create spaces for this to happen and continue to happen. Bless you!
Bro, you are doing the work. I want to start a group here in BHM for fathers as well. I want it to be a space where we can just bring our kids and just be. Or just show up all at the library. I'm a little nervous because I want it to be for Black and Brown men, but I don't really have the capacity to deal with the push back. So I have been stuck in analysis paralysis. Have you experienced push back?
Thank you! I’d be honored to hold space for you as you create space for other men and fathers. My group came together after almost two years, so I know the feeling of push back and men not being ready to dive in. Mine happened after the brothers all had a similar experience that drew us together.
I came in late to the live, but really enjoyed what I heard. I just am so proud of you. One thing that resonated with me was the fear of the transition of when your boy becomes "a threat" simply because he will grow; when to give him The Talk, and just managing all of the extra BS of living in a white supremacist society.
Close to the 46 minute mark when Alex said, “That’s beautiful man”, why did you feel the need to go to, “I’m trying,” versus simply saying something like, “Thank you for saying that. I receive that.” Almost like when someone complements something we’re wearing or something we’re doing well, we feel the need to come up short through our response by “acting” (not saying this what you were doing) by not wanting to appear like we’re doing better or doing something better than someone else. Was it hard for you to own that?
Witnessing you two 🧸 🧸 in conversation was hope giving! Thank you for the worlds you all are building and inviting us into. Yes to more tender interviews like this! And sending positive energy toward you and the Black and Brown fathers you will gather in BHM 💚
I’m going to listen on my way to work!
I have so much to say about this video, but mostly I appreciate you expressing, vulnerably, what it's like to be a father. I feel like if more men did this, and connected to each other like this, it would heal so much pain that exists in the world.
One thing that really hit me was when you said we have to prepare our kids for a world that doesn't accept their beauty. My son, who is now 22, started growing his hair around age 3 or 4. He was teased about it all through school, called a girl for having long hair, but that's who he is. A boy, now man, with long hair. At home we always allowed him to express himself as he was. Home was his safe space in a cruel world. I don't know what it's like to raise a black son in a racist, cruel world, but I do know what it's like to raise a son who goes against the grain because that's who he is. It's hard, and can be heartbreaking, but knowing the people who matter most to him love and accept him, makes all the difference.
I loved your conversation with Alex. I think more honest conversations with dads is just what we need.
Janine, thank you never feels like enough. But thank you - again! I don't write about it much, but I was bullied too. I think a lot about who will Myles be. I don't want him to be either the bully or the bullied.
We didn't know about my son's being bullied until years later, he never talked about it. It breaks my heart.
If Myles is loved and feels good about himself, there is no reason he will be a bully. In terms of being bullied, all you can do is give him the self confidence to stand up to bullies, or understand that only people who are hurting hurt others. It's so hard when our children go off into the world and are on their own, so to speak. I believe Myles will always know that home is a safe place.
The answers to your questions are a wholehearted yes. I’ve been attending a men’s retreat for the last three years that does significant work in the space of father care, father connection and healing father wounds. I’m about to launch a group this week for the men of color who have been attending these retreats and doing their work. We’re going to go through some chapters of my book I’m about to release that does a deep dive on healing father wounds and racial wounds. So yes create spaces for this to happen and continue to happen. Bless you!
Bro, you are doing the work. I want to start a group here in BHM for fathers as well. I want it to be a space where we can just bring our kids and just be. Or just show up all at the library. I'm a little nervous because I want it to be for Black and Brown men, but I don't really have the capacity to deal with the push back. So I have been stuck in analysis paralysis. Have you experienced push back?
Thank you! I’d be honored to hold space for you as you create space for other men and fathers. My group came together after almost two years, so I know the feeling of push back and men not being ready to dive in. Mine happened after the brothers all had a similar experience that drew us together.
I came in late to the live, but really enjoyed what I heard. I just am so proud of you. One thing that resonated with me was the fear of the transition of when your boy becomes "a threat" simply because he will grow; when to give him The Talk, and just managing all of the extra BS of living in a white supremacist society.
Thank you so much cousin. I wish it wasn't a thing I was already thinking about.
You guys need to do a podcast. This is so great!
Love this pairing! And yes please please let’s continue to have more honest and vulnerable conversations around fatherhood. 👏👏
Close to the 46 minute mark when Alex said, “That’s beautiful man”, why did you feel the need to go to, “I’m trying,” versus simply saying something like, “Thank you for saying that. I receive that.” Almost like when someone complements something we’re wearing or something we’re doing well, we feel the need to come up short through our response by “acting” (not saying this what you were doing) by not wanting to appear like we’re doing better or doing something better than someone else. Was it hard for you to own that?
Witnessing you two 🧸 🧸 in conversation was hope giving! Thank you for the worlds you all are building and inviting us into. Yes to more tender interviews like this! And sending positive energy toward you and the Black and Brown fathers you will gather in BHM 💚