The Birmingham Dad Meetup: May — Birmingham Is Starting to Feel Like Home
Monthly updates from a space for dads and their little ones in Birmingham, AL
This past weekend, I hosted the 5th Birmingham meetup. When I first thought about starting a meetup for dads, it came from my own struggle to find community. I came to Birmingham not knowing anyone besides my wife’s family. I was starting from scratch.
In your 30s, making friends can feel hard because it seems like everyone already has their people. In Birmingham, that feeling felt even stronger. So many relationships here seem rooted in church, football, or family ties. And while I connect with each of those things, it often felt like if you were not leading with what church you attended or whether you were die-hard Alabama or Auburn, then maybe you were on the outside looking in. But honestly, I was looking for something deeper.
As a new dad, I was looking for men in the same season of life as me. I was searching for fathers who genuinely loved being dads, and wanted to be in community with other men who felt the same way. But those spaces always felt far away.
The Daddy Stroller Social Club felt like something that would never make its way to Birmingham. Atlanta had The Library Dads. New York seemed full of fatherhood groups and communities. Meanwhile here in Birmingham, there were a few groups, but most of them didn’t feel active anymore.
So when I decided to start the meetup, I stepped out on faith. I believed there had to be other men out there looking for the same thing I was looking for: community.
And this May meetup, just like the ones before it, reminded me what’s possible when you move from a place of what is truly in your heart. Myles and I got there right at 10, and there was already a dad in the parking lot unloading his daughter from the car. I smiled because I knew he was there for the meetup. I smiled even more because it was a new face. The word was spreading.
Carla, the librarian who has helped me put this together month after month, already had the space set up for us like she always does. By the time she started reading the story, more dads began pouring in.
About 45 minutes in, we were 20 strong.
This month, we had four new dads and their kids come for the first time. One dad, A, drove over an hour just to attend.
I met another dad, D, from the Bronx who moved to Birmingham a couple of years ago, and we talked about how different Birmingham felt from Brooklyn and the Bronx. Another father shared that he moved here for the same reason I did, because his wife was originally from Birmingham, and they wanted to be closer to family support. He talked about how difficult that transition has been because there is really no place like the home that raised you, the place that helped make you who you are. As I met the new dads and caught up with the ones who have been coming to previous meetups, I started to feel like I was meeting scattered pieces of myself around the room. Every conversation was different, but somehow familiar.
We talked about everything from the schools our children attend to how our wives aren’t always too impressed with our fashion choices for the kids. We talked about work, about not always wanting our only community to be the people we work with, and about trying to find more things to do outside with our children because something about being stuck inside all day with little ones can make life feel a little heavier.
Dads shared wanting more of this. More time to connect at baseball games, breweries, or even a picnic somewhere with the kids running around. Some even suggested having a day where we invite our wives too.
I feel incredibly lucky because I used to think I needed to have all the answers before starting something like this. But I am learning that I don’t. The dads already have them. Next month, I am going to try organizing a dads’ night out.
My favorite part of the meetup is usually what happens after.
I never make plans with my wife afterward because I know she could use the extra break, and somehow I usually end up hanging out with one of the dads for a few more hours.
This time, A and I stayed at the park right outside the library for a while after everyone left. He shared that he didn’t really have friends here yet and that he would soon be moving not too far from me. We exchanged numbers and ended up texting throughout the weekend.
After Myles and I grabbed burgers, somehow we ended up at another park. Right as we were about to leave, Myles made another new friend, which turned into another hour at the playground.
While the boys played, I talked with his dad, M. Another version of myself in some ways. M had moved here not too long ago too. He called himself a “house dad” and told me he was a welder and couldn’t wait to get back at it again soon. He shared that he had no family here either, and had mostly moved for friends. I told him I moved here for love. As we talked, I told him about the meetup too. Something tells me I will be seeing him again soon.
Each month, these meetups feel a little more special.
I want to say it’s because I’m bringing men together. I want to say it’s because I help ten moms get an extra break on a Saturday.
But truthfully, I think it is because for the first time, I can admit that Birmingham is starting to feel like home.
And who knows, maybe my role in all of this is helping it feel like home for other dads too.
If you are a dad reading this, you’re doing a great job. You matter so much much to the world, but especially to the little person(s) who calls you Dad.
Thank you for showing up. And if no one has told you they love you today, I do.
The next meetup is on June 20th.
See ya’ll soon,
Marc
Read about the last meetup here and join our Facebook Group
Read about the last meetup here