Voice Notes: Forgiving our Fathers

Thoughts While Driving

17 Months

Dear Myles,

I have been thinking about my father, your grandfather lately. While driving to work, I pressed record on my voice note add and recorded this message/letter for you. I hope voice notes like this is something you’ll appreciate when you’re older. This is from my heart to yours.

Transcript below:

I’m asking for forgiveness in advance for all the ways I will fail as your father, but also as human

But I feel a bit hypocritical asking for forgiveness so early in the game

When it’s hard to even wrong you

Asking for forgiveness when I did not forgive my own father after 32 years

Sometimes the love we deserve,

People cannot give it

Not because they don’t want to

Simply because they cannot

It is outside their proximal zone of love

I have no doubt my father, your grandfather, loved me

But it is one thing to know and another thing to feel

But I’ve been singing this song

for way too long,

This tune in my guitar,

This note in my piano,

And I think it’s finally time for me to let it go.

I think it’s time to finally forgive him.

Because if I don’t forgive him,

How will you ever forgive me?

That holding these grudges

Is less about him

And more about me.

That tomorrow begins a new day,

And yesterday gets to fade away.

Maybe tomorrow we can create a new possibility.

Maybe tomorrow the love I was searching for will find me.

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I love you and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Love,

Daddy

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If you enjoyed this voice note, you might enjoy this one too: Musings in the Backyard

These letters are a labor of love. All funds collected from writing these letters go toward Myles' college savings. A paid subscription also gives you access to all letters I’ve written to Myles, including these deeper letters where I explore fatherhood more deeply, discuss my own upbringing, and reflect on what it means to be raising a Black son.

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Take a deep breath….let me know your thoughts:

1. Have you ever struggled with forgiving someone close to you? What made it difficult to let go?

2. What does forgiveness mean to you? Is it more about the person who hurt you, or about finding peace within yourself?

3. How do you distinguish between what someone wants to give and what they are capable of giving in a relationship?

4. What are you holding on to that’s no longer serving you? Is it time to let it go?

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I’ve teamed up with some great people to host a writing group called

Locked In

- a weekly virtual writing session for Black, Indigenous, & Writers of Color and writers of the global majority. We write together every Friday at 9:00AM ET. If you’re looking for some community around writing, please tap in.

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Celebrating Black Writers

I built a virtual and interactive library to celebrate writers who have inspired me in writing to Myles every week. This is me giving them their flowers. Feel free to click around!

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Want more of Myles’ Letters?

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• How I Met Your Mother

• We Don’t Eat Cats and Dogs

• Am I Good Dad, or Is the Bar Just Really Low?